probs...

ok... juz tok i shd update on my daily life...
seriously... i hate my life a lot rite now...
it's like anitime now... i can juz break down n cry...
n i dunno y...

thgs are gg crazy for mi... so much that i can juz jump off sth...
juz that i dun have the courage... no i m not sucidal... i dun have courage to jump since i m afraid of heights aniway...

first...

my 2nd sis got chicken pox last sun...
since then i m paranoid... a pimple or acne i gg crazy n panicky...

got a lot of thgs for the nxt few weeks...

tests term papers n presentations...

so if i nid to get 2 wk leave... i tink i will die... my cap will nvr recover...

2ndly...

pri sch got their ca results...

n all of them did not do well...

my little sis... did ok... but not as well as expected...

n my parents were scolding...

it's like it's my fault for not teaching her better...

n for the other 2 whom i was teching as well...

it's the same...

3rdly

my 2nd sis got her a level results...

due to chicken pox, my dad had to go...

n then kept wanting mi to help her find information...

n she dun want to ask her friend...

n my parents kept saying i m selfish n dun want to help her...

her results not veri gd... so i told her it's difficult...

then my parents kept saying that i m like kept pouring cold water n made her scared...

i m simply stating facts n asked her to prepare another way...

so i ended screaming n yelling again...

n my parents said i m a failure of education... selfish...

4thly...

long wk as it is an odd week... n it's a hectic week

a test on mon... then long tue...

then wed rest a bit b4 my sis woke mi up at 8am...

hello... i woke up at 5a m on mon n tue... due to early lessons n my lessons ended at 6pm... i reached home at ard 8pm...

then thur is the same thg... woke up at 5am due to early tutorial... then rush home to rest b4 dashing for tuition... tuition ended at almost 10pm...

then fri... my sis woke up up at 7.45am!!! w her screaming n thgs...

i din have a good rest for the whole week!!!

then she got her results... n another chaos erupted..

everi1 is calling to ask abt her results... n thgs...

for mi... i escaped to tuition... n i realized my tutee did not have gd results...

haiz...

then reached home and started aruging n thgs again...

5thly,

thruout the week ppl are smsing mi abt project n thgs...

got a presentation coming n i nid to finish a term paper due veri soon...

n i had not started with all the chaos...

then my ezlink card got $4.10 deleted wout ani papers printed...

so in the end i nid to wait n thgs then got back my refund but problem...

i nid to bring my nets card to sch to do topup... so cant do animore printing or photocopying that day!!! AAAAH!!! i m so unlucky....

6thly

i decided to study outside to escape all the stress...

as well as to meet as much deadlines as i could...

my tuition cancelled cause i dun want to go to my grandma's hse n carried ani germs w mi...

so woke up at 6.30am on sat...

brought my sis to sch then mit ms mango at mrt...

she woke up late so a bit late then we went to amk mac to study...

quite productive actually... but oni in the middle...

but my emtions sank down in the end... haiz...

7thly,

my 21st bday is coming n seriously...

I DUN WANT TO CELEBRATE IT LE.

1st, instead of sth i can look forward to... it is becoming sth i dread... or rather... increasing my troubles...

it is straining my relatnships w others n cause mi more problems...

on thur... while i was so tired... that i almost forgot to board the bus at ard 10.15pm?

i decided to not think abt it cause i cant even walk properly... yes the fact that i might not be able to celebrate it due to sickness was panicking mi...

so i decided to reply saying that talk another time...

seriously... i had lots of plans...

like doing some recording to rmb the day...

gg to escape cause i din go b4... n been wanting to go...

mayb gg to east coast to play in the water... then have pot luck...

mayb buy a formal blouse frm this fashion cause they are having a sale...

buy a book i like to rmb the day... cause i always buy a comic to rmb someday i like... or to cheer myself up...

but i nid time to tink abt them n i m realli tired...

so i said nxt time mayb tmr...

but in the end... on fri... chaos day... w release of a level results...

n mi trying to ans phone cause my sis cant ans... n explaining to everi1... no my dad is taking cause my sis had chicken pox... it is either mi or my mum to answer the phone...

then rush to tuition come back argue some more w my parents cause i disagreed w wad they say...

then on sat... i decided to study outside...

n i was tinking of finishing 2 stacks of readings one for presentation n another on term paper both due veri soon...

i was able to finish two thick readings n left about one-quater of wad i photocopied myself to finish up... finally in the mood of studying n was veri happy cause i realli nid to finish them yesterday... but no...

cant finish them cause we nid to discuss abt birthday outing...

i was so frustrated... n i decided n i m sticking to it that... no... I M NOT CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY!

y shd i if it caused so much problems...

i m not looking forward towards it...

n i realli wish i can go somewhere n hide myself till i finish everithg...

n i tink i m becoming tired...

somehow... i feel like i m losing myself...

instead of being able to relax... i tink i m trying hard to keep up in wadever i do...

it's like everithg becomes a duty... not sth to enjoy...

mayb i m a person who is destined to be alone...

i m tired of trying to be sth i dun like i m tired of unable to do wad i want...

mayb i shd not have friends cause i oni argue or quarrel w them...

same for family... mayb i shd stick to wad i realized when i was young... be a loner...

go somewhere alone and stayed there...

mayb my eq is low? or mayb my personality is simply bad... i m a selfish person...

i dunno...

but i m realli tired of doing thgs to keep up w others...

n dun tink i want to go aniwhere soon...

plus to add on to all these prob...

i tink i m sick...

mayb i might get it too? TOUCH WOOD!!!!

but i dunno it's all tis stress or wad...

i dun want to fall sick... but i tink it's becoming more n more difficult to live... to survive...

m i a failure? i dunno... n i hope not...

sorrie i noe i m ranting juz nid to say out loud... or rather type out loud...

n i m realli realli praying that i would not get sick!!!