being there...

ok.. cant concentrate cant study...

juz refile all my notes...

a lot of readings!!! all not done!!!

wad have i been doing for the past few months?!!!

haiz... most of the readings were half done...

so i had to reread so i cant recall wad it was all abt...

i m having headache.... so decided to read stories again...

n spent the whole pof my afternoon!!!

i was so stupid... but nothing to be done...

i was reading a story for the dunno how many times by one of my fav authors, sunhawk...

being there... n each time i was so touched...

a story abt how friends helped each other...

this time there's nothing abt war... it is a post war fic... yes another gundam wing fan fic...

n it's abt addiction... a drinking addiction...

how one helped the other to kick the habit...

it's so hard...

n the words said pulled at my heart...

i nearly cried when the one who was trying his best to help succeed in helping his friend but ended up in a depression himself...

n then with his friend who had succeed in breaking his drinking addiction found him... n asked him why he din turned to him after he had done so much for him...

the answer was said in a very small voice... when have u ever been there for mi?...

i was so sad... yeah... why had he been so alone? why had no one seen thru his jester mask? why had everi1 believed in his smiles? all the smiles that never reached his eyes?

a smiling face can cry...

it's juz so sad... yet all these can happen... simple thgs can happen...

n when someone can really understand that's when u found a realli gd friend... but prob is where to find this rare friends? friends that stayed by u when u are upset? friends that noe ur hurt even when u are quiet? friends that will not stay angry with ur rants? friends that can understand n be tolerant of ur insensitivity when u are stressed or upset?

in the story, no matter wad the person do, his friend always stayed by his side...

but in reality how true is it?...

i tink more imptly is how rare can u find such a person...

being there...

can u find someone that's always there by u? someone who u can count on when u are upset?...

it's so difficult...

but then w all this u want...

u have to ask urself...

can u urself do all these...

can u stay by someone's side when they are in trouble? can u cheer someone up when they are sad? can u comfort them? can u detect their hurt n tried to make up for it?

the truth is ... it's so difficult...

everi1 has troubles.. had hurt that needs time to heal.. n u cant do much abt it...

but if u cant do it...

how can u expect others to do it?

the bottom line is that...

friends give n take...

but u cant juz giv n expect ppl to take it...

like in the story... u can expect the person to be grateful to u for helping him to quit by pouring away his beer... u cant expect him to be happy that u are helping him...

in fact thruout it, he told his friend a few times... i hate u...

but if u give in to him... will it solve the prob?

friends giv n take... but u cant expect others to take wad u giv... n u cant expect to take wad others dun want to giv...

juz a balance... sometimes... being there is all it takes...

another thg i love abt the story... n it's wad i found toching is the 5 min...

tis concept is not foreign at all... i had seen it in dn angel, a lot of other stories that i had read...

n i nvr failed to touch my heart...

n i even used it in one of my own story... i din copy!!! it's juz so natural to include it...

5 min... one that din exist...

meaning nothing said or done will be rmb, will be spoken abt or will have consequences...

it's realli sad...

but to have someone u trust to give u this 5 min...

how easy can it be?

being there...

朝阳

走在人少的路上，在这宁静的早晨，

徐徐地走，慢慢地走，边走边想，一步一步前进。

许许多多的烦恼都抛进“过去”里。

阳光照亮了天空，路旁的灯熄了。

片片云飘了起来，阵阵风开始吹起，

还是依然前进，迎接新的一天。

人生一世走一次，

有起也必然有落。

平平走过完依然好，

但过得乏味有不妥。

轰轰烈烈的人生，

多人要但却很累。

起起落落虽也不错，

但跌了爬起更为重。

人生只走那一次，

错了回头已无路。

向前冲后便不回头，

因回头可能悔当初。

开开心心过一生，

伤伤心心只悔过。

timetable...

ok... decided to put my exam timetable here n do some planning here...

since i always lost it after i wrote it...

ok... einstein's universe's exam is over...

so left 4 modules...

mon do filing...

module: CH2244
Venue: AS1-0301
time: 28/04/2008 5:00 PM
open bk... nid to read thru the readings...

find out abt one of the topic... one qns...

tue n wed...

module:CH3243
Venue:AS6-02-012/14
time:03/05/2008 9:00 AM
close bk... nid to do readings...

nid to resummarise xiao n homosexuality...

2nd part nid to read all readings esp the ones i miz the lect...

thur n fri n sat...

module:CH2291
Venue:AS6-02-012/14
time:05/05/2008 9:00 AM
all the readings... start frm 2nd part...

summarise all lect notes...

a lot of thgs to be redo...

sun, mon,tue,wed...

module:CL2281
Venue:MPSH2-A
time:07/05/2008 5:00 PM

open bk... muz bring dict that day!

put reminder on hp...

summarise the lect notes... n prayed that i can do the qns...

thur...

tink like that first ba...

teaching...

haiz...

i m sick again...

stuck in the toilet for so long...

n having cramps now...

not oni that i have a flu and sore throat...

how can everithg go wrong at the same time?...

aniway...

i was rereading abt rebuilding of the death n dragon arc by mel and christy...

n they were talking abt teacher...

n it made mi reflect my teaching mtds... or more like made mi think abt the aims of education...

in my opinion i feel that teaching has a long n short term goal...

short term is easy....

to be able to score well in exam...

n long term to be able to use wadever learnt in future...

i realize that i m more on the long term...

cause i feel that other than the qns...

knowledge is impt so i will link the fact to some facts of life...

how a simple eqn can be useful in life n thgs like that...

n i realize i do it more often now...

mayb inflence frm my einstein's lecturer? haha...

but all this is not useful for the short term goal...

it feels like i m wasting some time with other thgs like sidetracking...

preparing for exams is impt...

for us, 6 yrs to psle, 4 yrs to o-level, 2 yrs to a level...

wout certificate, it is not easy to survive...

but then, wout the long term goal...

edu does not seem to be as impt.....

likewise, wout short term goal...

how do we noe if the student had learnt...

it's difficult to balance them sometime...

to me, i try to balance the 2...

but re the 2 realli in conflict with one another?...

aniway...

the story was discussing abt how a preventer stealth teacher was teaching the student how to open locked doors... yet he neglected the fact that it was too difficult for beginners n to most ppl... juz steal a keycard or shoot the lock to open the door... save time n energy...

yet the students got gd results cause they studied his examples well...

so for short term goal, the teacher had the students graduating well...

but then when the preventers went on a mission...

they did badly... cause they dunno how to change the ideas or rather innovate the ideas or in other wrds apply the examples to other questions...

juz like my physics.. i always did badly at the applications qns... actually it's worse in chem...

i still rmb my nice chem teacher writing that i noe the concept but dunno how to apply them... so he knew i studied but i dunno how to answer qns... one eg is like tehy ask how come this is a covalent bond... n i ans... due to ionic bonds...haha... i m so stupid...

well so if we want students to be able to do qns after they were modified...

we cant juz stick to one example...

so they say practice...

but is practice the ony way?

well... i tink teaching is not easy but i muz say i enjoyed it...

but mayb nxt time i will not take such technical subjects... haha

luckily i m applying to teach chinese in future...

ok... i tink tis is a rather redunant post but juz want to get it out haha :p

out of control...

i REALLI REALLI love this song ...
but dun want to put the song on my blog cause too loud...
but i love it...
esp w u listen it loudly?
or when u sing it?

HOOBASTANK LYRICS
taken from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hoobastank/outofcontrol.html

"Out Of Control"

I've done everything as you say
I've followed your rules without question
I thought it would help me see things clearly
But instead of helping me to see
I look around and it's like I'm blinded

I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control Out of control

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't knowIf I can trust you
I don't understand what you want from me

I feel like I'm spinning out of controlT
ry to focus but everything's twisted
And all along I thought you would be there
(Thought you would be there)
To let me know I'm not alone
But in fact that's exactly what I was

I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control Out of control

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All of the things you've said to me

I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me

Is it a mystery?Is it a mystery?

I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control...

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
All the things you've said to me
And I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me

I'm spinning out of control Out of control
I'm spinning out of control Out of control

lagging entries...

ok... just tok i nid to update thgs frm the end of my mc...

my mc ends on april fool...

n on 2nd april...

went to causeway pt's starbucks to do project w miss starry...

our term paper...

hee hee... finally a paper to write a story...

n we are doing time travel... oni 2000 wrds...

here's the summary...

hope yiwen dun mind that i share it here...

As the world approaches the new era, one woman was going to have her dream come true; the dream to travel across time. It had always been Erica’s dream to travel across time. As one of the scientists of Wormhole organisation, she had been deeply involved in the project; to find wormholes to travel to and fro our past and future. Time travel was still an uncertainty as it was still dangerous and all they had were theories. Yet, she volunteered to test if the theories really worked. Will she succeed? Will her dream come true?

ok... here's some pic taken that day...

heehee i got a candid of yiwen :p

then on thur... my 1st day back to sch after more than 2 wk of mc...

n the lesson is at 8am... meaning i had to be out of the hse by 6.30am...

one pic w nightmode off n another w it on... so different? so how early...




then on fri went to yundan's bdae!!!

happy birthday! thpugh it's over by a long time le :p

almost all the pics frm zygote... thxs girl... hope u dun mind i put them here...

candids... :p oni 2 cause too dark le...

try to use my hp... too dark...

then preparing for einstein's exam...

it was one tricky exam but fun...

i miz 5 out of 10 lects n oni attend 1 b4 exam...

look at how messy my place is...

bks i use...

then i realize i m coming home at nearly 7pm after that n encountered the sunset as i came back...

taken as i came back frm tuition one day...

shadow... nice rite?!!!

ok... then i was rushing throu term aper for the past 2 wks...

veri tiring... after the major science exam on 10 april...

i got 2 papers to hand in on mon 14 april...

but b4 that...

it's the death aniversary of my grandfather on sun... so we nid to stay there for the whole weekend...

brought my laptop down but the paper too difficult... i got no idea how to organise the pts so din type at all... level 3000 is difficult!!! but they say it's because of that module not that level...

aniway... it's been a yr...

so fast since time flies... last yr it was a shock... n i was having my exam...

i rmb my jap exam where i din study at all... no time n too tired...

same goes for the new media module... i sort of black out as i studied during the break scaring wenya i tink... it seemed so long ago...

now it's been a yr...

well... din sleep on sat.. was tinking of my term paper till 2+am...

then sleep n wake up at 3+am to change place to sleep cause too cramped le...

then sleep again n wake up at 5am...

on sun a whole day full of praying n reached home at ard 7pm?

but veri tired... try to edit my other term paper till ard 12+am?... then sleep woke up at ard 3+am to continue... then finished n emailed yiwen at 5+am...

muz thanks yiwen cause i was the one who shd be handing the paper in but she helped mi to hand in instead... that one shd be handed in at 2pm... thxs a lot yiwen!!!

then i continued w the other...

couldnt finish... but muz hand in during lect which is at 4pm... finished at 3.30pm... at home...

had to take a cab...

dunno the route... spent $15 the uncle quite nice din charge mi the 80 cents :p i think cause he dun have change n i m in a hurry since i was late... reached at ard 4.10pm...

missed 1st part of the lect abt the exam... but nobody to ask.... cause ppl i knew frm the module dun reply sms or emails... realli pissed mi off when i asked them for infor when i was sick... no one answered so i had to ask prof...

then again... i caught the last part but dun understand wad he is saying... n i tink a lot of ppl also dun undrstand... haiz... cause heard some of them whispering qns... n a lot of ppl not there for that lesson...

then when printing realized that my concession is over n my ezlink card dun have $$$...

cant take bus!!! have to use coins....

haiz... then go to mrt to buy concessn n top up...

haiz...

then go home continue w my last term paper...

realized my grp mbr changed everithg n din tell mi till i asked...

n then i nid to work on it cause i dun agree w almost everithg they say...

cause i tink their scope too narrow n useage of websites...

so have to work on it again overnight n the nxt day...

on tue... have a long talk or rather rant w sijia... thxs girl for listening to mi...

then on wed nite finally got to sleep...

n for yesterday... decided to relax... i tink my mind is gg crazy...

decided to dig out all the vcds i know i have on ming n qing dynasty meaning i found quite a number n decided to watch 穿越时空... a 40 episodes drama abt 2 girls who travelled back to ming dynasty... it was set in ming dynasty... quite interesting n funny... watched b4 so i kept forwarding.... then watch 还珠格格 for qing dynasty.. i was paying attention to teh scenery n struture... cause for my ch3243... the prof told us that everithg in the garden n the hse had its own meaning... for eg a bridge or a long corridoor is for u to throw ur outside troubles away as u walked b4 u go into ur rm or the garden... a window that is shaped in special shape is juz trying to imitate a drawing... a rock has its own meaning...

n i saw the special structures as i watch the show... not to say laughing at the funny parts n feeling touched at the touching ending...

went to do photocopying in sch today...

but as i opened the door my uncle n aunt brought my little cousin...

he's so cute... he's sleeping... only few mths old... so cute... but i had to go to sch...

then met my sis... she treated mi dinner... yummy!!!

tmr have tuition... hundreds of readings to do... exams coming up... clashed w the primary sch....

have 3 psle students to teach... haiz... how to cope?...

hope they do better this time....

esp my sis... muz forced her to study...

presento! arigato minna-san

ok... things had been up n down these few days...

finally finished my term paper...

will do an update of my life tmr... nxt entry ba...

here is an extremely late entry...

i want to thx all of u for ur presents!!!

n all the encouragement n help u all gave mi during my chicken pox period!!!

first are the presents...

the first present i received this year are frm sijia!!!

thxs girl!!!

they are so cute!!! kawaii desu ne!!!

esp the cards!!! so sweet!!!

neko-chan!!!

i love the small pouch!!! n the clip!!! n everithg!!!

ok... the nxt are presents frm my aunt but i oni take pic of the bag...

i love the bag n all the blouses!!! but i din noe how to take pics of them wout wearing... haha...

ok... the nxt is frm xiujuan,yiwen n joanne!!!

a 4gb thumbdrive!!! i always wanted to buy one but dunno which one to buy so din buy but now i have one!!! haha! use it for all my term papers le!!!

thxs a lot...

nxt is frm the three of them... xinying, wenya n xianhao...

the funny thg...

the bag is exactly the same as the one my aunt gave mi...

oni that the one my aunt gave mi had a keychain... n is frm ice lemon tea...n is black... she tried to get mi a white one knowing that i like my bag to be white... cause easy to match my clothes... but they're out of stock... she gave mi the receipt and told mi to change if i dun like... but i love it...

she said oni left black n brown so she get mi the black one..

i love it! so nice!!!

n it's the same as the other one except the other is frm ink n white in colour...

haha... same style same zip n everithg...

i love them!!!

thxs a lot...

the bags... look the same?

even the zips...

ok... they also gave mi a necklace!!! frm diva...

thxs!!!

n then there's the card...

thxs...



ok... also some ppl i want to thank...for helping mi thru my sickness...

not ranked hor!!! juz think all of u as number one :p

1stly is our miss YIWEN!!!

realli helped mi a lot w my einstein's module...

i missed 5 lects out of the 10 lects for this 2nd half after recess week...

n this kind girl photocopied all her slides n passed to mi!!!

then helped mi with the exams n my term paper for another module by sending mi her lect notes ppt!!!

then also constantly reminding mi not to walk in the rain n even took out her umbrella haha....

thxs a lot girl!!! trouble u so much this sem...

2ndly we have miss sijia...

realli surprised to see ur email actually...

thxs a lot.... i havent even asked u n u emailed mi le!!!

thxs a lot for informing mi abt the exam format!!!

realli thxs! n i muz say thxs for listening to my rants everytime we go home together... :p

thxs!

then miss xinying!!!

thxs a lot for listening to me!!!

u called my hse a few times n thxs a lot...

i was so stressed n u helped mi!!! thxs!!!

n also the tags at my blog... thxs!

then still got miss wenya... n also miss xiujuan...

thxs for asking if i needed help or not!!!

thxs!!! n all the tags on my blog!!! n also the sms!

n thxs for ur gu wen dic ,wenya...

still at my hse...

then also thxs to mr aion!!!

thxs for ur sms n the tags!!! thxs for all ur encouragments!!!

also thxs for everi1 like joanne, yundan...for ur sms ur encouragments!!! not to forget the tags at the tagboard!!!

minna-san arigato gozaimashita!!!

xiexie!!!

it had been a difficult period for mi...

thxs for all ur understanding n encouragments!!!

i m ok le... thxs a lot realli!!!

无数的谢谢, 尽在不言中。

心中的感谢，非字墨可形容。

但还是希望你们可得知。

千个谢谢万个谢谢，也表达不出来，

在这只说几声“谢谢”，因为。。。。。。。。。。

如真说出来，只怕你们先被我烦死了。。。

so stupid thgs!!!

i want to rant i want to rant!!!

i feel like exploding...

there's no way to run

no way to hide...

mayb i shd juz jump off...

mayb i shd juz cut it..

cause it does not matter...

cause no one will care...

cause wad i say dun matter...

n don't u regret!!!

i m gg mad

i m gg crazy...

but like u care!!!

say b4 but no one listen...

n don't u regret cause i dun care...

i try to do my part but all u do is ask mi to shut up...

if there's the way...

then i dun care...

mayb i shd not belong here...

n it's not like u care!!!

john wheeler

this sem...
i m taking einstein's universe...
n i juz saw the news of the death of this great man!
he was the one who came up with black holes...
he was one of the scientists that i thought was great...
and below is an article i found...
n the quotes i found he said... i love them...

Colby Cosh on the death of John Archibald Wheeler, the man who named "black holes"

John Archibald Wheeler died on Sunday. At 96, he had been the last notable figure from the heroic age of physics lingering among us — a man who could claim to be the student of Bohr, teacher of Feynman, and close colleague of Einstein. He is best known today for having devised the name for the bizarre superdense objects we now call "black holes"; he adopted it in the late '60s, he said, "as an act of desperation, to force people to believe in it."

taken frm http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2008/04/15/colby-cosh-on-the-death-of-john-archibald-wheeler-the-man-who-named-quot-black-holes-quot.aspx

Behind it all is surely an idea so simple, so beautiful, that when we grasp it - in a decade, a century, or a millennium - we will all say to each other, how could it have been otherwise? How could we have been so stupid?
John A. Wheeler

well... it guess this is the same for now... when we looked back at the past n think... how can ppl ever think that the world is flat?...

If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day.
John A. Wheeler

well... sth strange will help us rmb our day, don't u think so?
but i realli like this quote..
imagine when some1 asks, "hey how's ur day?"
n i say this... dun u think it's great? haha :p

No phenomenon is a real phenomenon until it is an observed phenomenon.
John A. Wheeler

so if u dun see anithg, it doesn't mean anithg...
it's not real unless u can prove it's happening...

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
John A. Wheeler

so if time stops, does it means that everything will be happening at the same time?
if u dunno the time then u wont know if the thgs are happening together or not?
eg. if u have 2 exactly same bombs, the way to see if there are different is if they are set to go off at a different time... sorry bad analogy...

To hate is to study, to study is to understand, to understand is to appreciate, to appreciate is to love. So maybe I'll end up loving your theory.
John A. Wheeler

so if u want to prove someone wrong u muz study abt it...
u muz understand wad's the prob?...
well i think that's difficult esp if u dun like the person...
but i tink that's wad makes him a great man...

all taken from...

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_a_wheeler.html

ok... meant to update sth else but this is sth i tink i shd share...
n realli sad to hear abt his death...
he was reallli great... well he did come up w so many theories...
realli respect him...

a stupid entry....

post wad i say here since someone tink i m wasting my time n shooting him...

if i want to do that i wont write i will scream!

dun want to waste my energy on such person...

spent time trying to clear it but it's "shooting"...

then sorrie... too bad i missed....

tink my opinions are useless...

ok... then too bad... dun worry wont disturb u w my stupid opinions!

juz tink wad u want!

tink tis is long... i can scream thgs even longer....

ok... i promised xin ying that i will not be too agaited...
n seriuosly.... i got lots of stuff 2 do...
i cant do anithg over the weekend due to rituals...
it seemed so fast that a yr wout my grandpa had passed...
but it means that the 3 term papers due on mon had to be finished by today n i had not started at all.. but i dun want to rant abt tis stuff... redunant since most ppl oni cared abt thgs that had to do w themselves...
but xinying said i had to reply...
i alr tried my best to take out hurtful words... a lot of them actually...
words that i noe will realli convery my anger...
i had changed my tone... but i tink my first version might be better to convey my anger
but ok... i promised i wont... so there...

n firstly, b4 i lost my temper...
i want to apologise to xinying n wenya for tis affecting u...
focus on ur exams... n take care of ur health... all the best n gd luck 4 ur exams n term paper....
by the way... wenya... can lend mi the notes for ch2291?... i missed 3 of the lects....

2ndly,
we all noe wad i m gg to say...
tis is alr a veri mild version.... n i alr said i will not be too emotional or wad so ever...

but seriously... at home i admit i m like an old woman yelling n screaming all the time...
but w my friends... i tink i seldom express my upset or anger...
but tis time i muz say i m angry...

1st of all...
i had to say...
my hse are full of ppl who had not had chicken pox!!!
even my dad had not have them....
n my sis is having psle...
so i m basically quarntined in e rm...
w no com, no hp n oni bks....
i had used the com oni for a few times...
n my mum had to take precautions...
n moreover my hp has low value...
so basically i can't blog, cant email, cant sms, cant use phone...
furthermore.... my desktop cant see ur tag...
how m i gg to noe wad u writing?
i din even get to check my emails regularly which results in my grp project nearly being marked failed...

even then... if i replied ur tag or anithg...
it will be an incoherent thgs... cause i m having high fever...
u tink ppl are kidding when they say having chicken pox when u are older tend to be more taxing n dangerous? though i dun understand why my gums started bleeding or my nose for that matter... not one of the symptoms but i muz have bite or scratch sth....but i will not be disgusting as to describe wad it looked like.... though wenya had asked mi to at some pt of time... i would like to forget that thanks u veri much!

n it took wenya n xinying to call mi b4 i noe abt tis incident...
n i noe abt that incident w xinying...
my hp can still receive sms... u noe...

2ndly...
as i said earlier...
i apologised for my attitude...
but i tink if u tink i m not appreciative...
tis i will apologise...

but i STILL tink that u dun get the issue...
mayb i m ungrateful...
i appreciate ur efforts...

but did u even stop a moment to tink y all these that could be avoided happened?
i told u all that i dun want to celebrate cause of chicken pox...
i said dozens of times... my mum asked her friends , i asked ard n my sis asked the doc...
plus the fact that i m coming down w a flu... all these not syptoms?
i noe my body n I DO NOT want to postpone the whole thg cause it will be meangingless...

it is not the oni time my opinion dun matter...
in case of anithg... i told u all dun plan... cause it will most likely be thrown away...
BUT DID YOU LISTEN? NO! u all tok that i m joking or anithg...
n telling u all not to plan is my ungratefulness...

i had to ask u
wad does it says for not taking my words seriously? or considering my opinion?
n did u juz ask we go east coast hor
or did u ask is there aniwhere else u want to go other than escape...
did u explain that xinying dun want to go?
did u say hurry up say so we can plan?
did u ask wad i wanted to do?
did u noe i had actually told my sis that i want to go to escape instead of east coast cause i want to go to someplace i din go b4?
did u giv mi time to think of an alternative or did u say ask mi to ans in 2 min?
did u let mi have some rest 1st since i slept for oni less than 4 hrss that day n veri tired b4 asking mi qns?
did u do it as intergoratn or as sth fun?
did u ask for my opinion or juz want to settle everithg...

wad do u tink my attitude is after u all kept rushing thgs?
m i the oni one who shd say yes to everithg while feeling upset or dislike?
that's the reason i dun go out n mit as often as u all...
no one even tinks to ask if i m free or not... if i m not free too bad...
if no one realli cares abt my opinion... wad is the pt...
n seriously... i m not pting fingers or accuse ani1...
n i noe everi1 who reads will be upset...
but if u tink that my opinion doesnt matter i dunno why i had to explain...
but i refused to change the tone since ppl wont get the fact that i m upset...

moreover, i had to ask u...
can u firmly n clearly say frm the bottom of ur heart that u understand the issue that day?
can u ans without emotions that u did not have the feeling of ok... it's not my fault i juz want an apology n get it done w?
if all u want is an apology that said i m sorry shdnt said those words everithg i m at fault...
if u want an apology like that...
i m sorry but u re not getting one...

if i do that...
it will really be an insult to friendship...
it will be degrading it...
an apology wout meaning is easy...
but i will not do sth like that to sth i treasure...

an apology wout meaning is useless...
unless u try to explain n understand wad the prob is...
an apology is usless...
n seriously,
if u tink that a friendship is all abt u re rite in everithg n ppl are wrong n nid to apologise to u...
i had nothing to say...

3rdly,
as i said i seldom lose my temper... mayb i did a lot of home...
tis had realli made mi angry...
u tink i m ungrateful?
u tink that i m blind?
u tink i dun appreciate all ur planning?
u tink i m that kind of person?
i m utterly disappointed then...

that's why i apologised earlier cause i appreciate all ur efforts n treasure tis friendship...
but i wanted u all to understand wad happened on that very day n y it resulted in that...
an apology of simply i'm sorry is easy...
n friendship is not made up of sorry... not a i want u to apologise...
i want u to do tis i want u to do that...
if that's ur definition of friendship.
i tink u are the one who nids to think...
u tink an apology settles thgs?
as the saying goes... if sorry cures all why do we nid policeman?
n what do u tink that the tone of ur words shd be?
not a can u do tis? can u do that?
but it's a i want u to do tis, do that now....
if u say yes, asking qns is of can do this or not is juz politness n friends dun nid to ask qns...
i tink u nid to retink that urself...


4thly...
i m not gg to apologise for sth that i tink u misinterpret...
i m not saying that u are not there so neglible...
i m saying u are not there so u dunno what happened...
u dunno how all of us re feeling...

since in pri sch till jc even in uni, wad have we learned?
before u do anithg...
read the question carefully...
understand the issue...
look at the question properly...
research first b4 u start writing...
if u dun have the facts, dun do it...

if u are not even clear on the issue...
understand 1st... secondary sources are always unrealiable...
if there are reliable why would we have to dig out artifacts to get primary sources?

do u noe how all of us are feeling that day?
or do u act on wad u feel abt the sentence?
do u or do u not juz feel unappreciative cause of that sentence?
do u or do u not step away frm the words n try to find out wad's the root cause of the prob?
do u or do u not realize how stressed we were all that day?
do u or do u not tink u can answer determinely but not stubbornly that u understand the whole issue here b4 getting angry?

i m not pting fingers n opening old issues...

but i want to ask if u are upset n wanting some peace since u have been sleeping oni less than 5 hrs for the past week, when u finally can go out with friends, do u want to relax?
do u want to be able to say anithg wout offending the others when u noe they will understand when u apologised later knowing that u said all that out of spite?

or do u want to smile n act nonchalent abt anithg they say cause well who cares? juz say yes to everithg cause ur opinion dun matter... they oni want a yes or no answer better if it's a 2 min answer... so they can do tis n that? n u juz have to say thank u and act happy...

if the latter is ur defintion of friends, i had nothing to say.

if friends to u are ppl who listen to u, let u do wad u want, juz say "yes" everitime u ask a qns...
but ur friends cant expect u to do the same...
when said mit at one place or time then ur friend had to say yes n u expect ur friend to be there n got upset because ur friend is not there...

moreover if being ard friends means u have to keep quiet, hide ur feelings n said thgs oni ur friends will like to listen...

i m sorrie but i cant be that type of person...
n i dun tink that is friendship... that is like those bullies w their followers who are too scared to do wad they like...
n if our friendship is based on that, i dun tink i want to do w it...

6thly, n more imptly,
ARE U THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BE ANGRY?
i muz said i m realli pissed off tis time?
i understand all ur efforts... n therefore i apologise earlier... cause i dun act like i m appreciative...

if u tink i m an ungrateful person, that i shd juz said i'm sorry wout explaining my pov or how upset i m, i have nothing t0 say...
if u treasure friendship, i dun tink u shd juz want an apology.
i dun tink friendship cause one always thinks one's right n demand apology...
i m pissed off at the fact that u refused to step back n tink abt it n react w anger...
shd everione always say they are wrong n u are always right?

i m also angry abt the fact that u din even understand my pov n started to accused mi of being ungrateful unappreciative...
if u can have an apology for sth i said out of spite, dont u tink i shd have an apology for u not trying to understand n taking my opinion seriously?

but as i said, do u want to based our friendship on apologies?
i dun want a friendship make up of meaningless apologies...
apologies mean that u understand wad the prob is not oni for the person giving it but the person receiving it...
u always nid to know the cause of the action n i mean both parties...
if ur friendship means i have to understand wad's wrong n u juz accept it wout understanding it, i have nothing to say but to ask u to rethink ur definition of friendship...

shdn't both parties seek to understand wad's the prob?
or shd one juz act the victim n get upset then the other juz have to say sorry to calm the other?
do u tink the one who is angry ios always right?
do u tink the one sentence that is wrong determines who's at fault?
did u or did u not think that u might have made mi upset in the first place?
if u tink that i shd have replied tis as soon as i can which i did... cause i barely had time to sleep but i took teh time to blog abt tis... do u noe how much make up i had to do for tis 2 missing wks? do u noe how much stress n pressure i m experienceing?

esp on that sat...
i tink i scared a lot of ppl w my blog entry...
i so nearly broke down when i told yiwen abt it b4 lect abt that day...
it's like i m so upset n no one cares enough to understand wad's wrong n made mi do lots of thgs i dun even have the time for or dun even like...
i was so near to juz falling somewhere...
but no one cares... all u care it's if appreciate wad u are doing?
n sat it's veri taxing.... n i muz say i had to thank xinying cause she listened to mi that day as i ranted abt stuff... i finally felt better n get into the mood of studying n had to break it off... i nid to hand it in the nxt day n in the end i had to stay up late to finish it n wake up early to do another one while feeling unwell... it's like all the emotional stress is becoming my sickness... n it's like none of u cares except that i had to smile n said thxs for all ur effort...
but then i cant blame ani1 cause these are all my own probs...
but even then i had hoped that u all will be understanding n not adding stress...
it's like everi1 wanted mi to do sth drastic...
i noe i m not a gd friend but the least i could hope is that 4 u all not to add fuel onto it...

what do u tink i feel?
have u ever stopped and tink abt it?
i m realli angry that u tink i m ungrateful...
cause it's like our friendship is not impt beyond saying the words i'm sorry...
it's like u oni see u say i din get the whole pic so i have the right to be angry...
did u step back frm the mirror n think abt it?

as i told xinying...
i have principles too u noe,
i refused to apologise wout meaning cause it will be degrading n an insult to friendship if i do so...
i tink friends give and take...
i can give u an apology if u give mi an reason...
not a repeition of how ungrateful i m or how much work u had put in?
it's like u oni want to say u put in a lot of work but did u stopped and looked back?
did u juz say i dun tink i m wrong not to tink abt other thgs....

i will not apologise to sth u misunderstood!
if u tink i m unappreciative, if u tink i m ungrateful,
i have nothing to say...
if u tink i m a friend that u dun tink it's worth ur time to understand n to consider the opinion abt to include in thsg... i have nothing to say...
cause friends help each other, consider opinions instead of rushing thru thgs...
friends let u say wad u want n explained wad's wrong instead of throwing facts in the face n wanting u to say sorry...

i noe u will most likely be angry after u read tis entry...
i tink i dragged up a few thgs that i wanted to leave it....
but i hope u can tink abt it...
i apologised earlier that i m sorrie if my actions proved that i m unappreciative but i refused to apologise for saying u duan zhang qu yi... unless u can prove that u did not...
n if u can really prove that u did not oni focus on one sentence...
then mayb u will realize what i m trying to say...
wad is the focus for mi...
n i alr spent 2 and a half hr typing tis n that's all...

friends

there are ppl in the world...
who dun tink i have a temper...

who tinks i m neglible...

so ok... then mayb i shd disappear like i usually do...

after all i m an invisible person...

it's so hard when they dun even want ur opinions...
if they dun want ur opinion dun giv them...
giving them will be a waste of breath n energy...

now then felt insulted?

pls lor long time ago i m alr insulted!

but ani1 cares?

y shd i care now cause it is ur turn to feel insulted?

pls lor... my mood to study ruined...

but i wont let such negative feelings stay for long...

after all tis is not the first time... juz the first time i voiced out...

i got enough of tis... n i wont say anithg more...

guess i shdnt even take the time to type... waste my efforts...

if the person is someone i hate i wont say another word cause the person is a stranger...

feels insulted? gd... i have been feeling insulted!

so wu liao... nothing better to do... so y shd i bother?

i alr said i m in angry mood...

i can say all the ugly names n thgs...

i can say thgs till u are veri angry...

if u dun even want my opinion then stop telling ppl u want...

i dun have time to waste on useless thgs...

i dun care if i offend ani1 animore...

cause tis is my blog...

i can say wad i want...

i m tired of keeping it in...

mayb i m a revengeful person
hurt mi once n u die?
mayb i m such a person?
i might be not easily angered...
but when i really get angry...
sometimes i m scared of my self...
realli...

the reason i dun realli express my anger or thgs is not i noe it wont be pretty...
i can do thgs till the extreme...
but i rather not...
n mayb i might get there?
i dunno...

that's y i kept my anger in ckeck...
i dun communicate face to face when i m angry...
cause no one will like it...
i can tink of words to say that's really hurtful...
that's y i learn to keep quiet when angry...
i can do hurtful thgs...
i can b angry n ruthless...
but oni when thgs are ugly...
n i dun like to do thgs that way...

but if u really anger mi...
i dunno wad i will say...
i guess i have a temper...
i can scream n yell...
i can do thgs juz that i dun do them normally...

mayb i m double-sided...
w feelings on 2 ends...
i m a veri extreme person?

so dun make mi angry.... no one will like it...
juz because i nvr realli show my temper doesnt means i dun have one...
juz because i seldom rebuked or retorted sth...
doesnt mean i cant...

i m tired of all tis...
n i wont be home for teh nxt few days...
but term papers nided to be handing in...
i m so tired but so angry...
mayb kill sth?
i dunno...
last i had been so angry was because of pw project few years back...

n i decided to do other thgs b4 i realli do sth i regret...

well... w so many thgs to do...
i found myself suddenly having this urge to play w the organ... haha
din learn to play piano b4... so stick to simple songs...
n a whole new world not easy... oni managed to learn 2 veri short songs...
mayb during hols can play somemore...
at least i noe that i cant kill ppl...
juz disturb everi1 w all those noise...

For Voicemail, Press Two fan fic... return calls!!!

ok...

i was supposed to be typing out term papers n presentations or study for test...

yes they are all nxt week deadlines...

but i saw one of my fav author's updates...

a one-shot...

n it's one veri gd piece!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

n i will recommend it to everyone out there...

For Voicemail, Press Two by cjmarie

i read it at fan fic . net

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4176169/1/For_Voicemail_Press_Two

umm... not sure if i can put the link like that...

so dun sue mi ok?... haha

it's a gundam wing fan fic...

but i dun tink u nid to know anithg abt gundam wing...

the end was like so shocking!!!

the moral of the story was that you should answer ur phone...

it makes mi realize how easy it is for people to ignore sms or msgs when u are busy esp when u noe ur friends will understand...

but tis simple neglience can cause drastic consquences....

really recommend it to everyone out there...

n i want to apologise to everyone that i did not return sms, emails n everithg cause i m busy...

i will try to improve nxt time...

n to everione who has been guilty of tis b4... let tis be a reminder...

《小妇人》1st part

taken frm http://yule.sohu.com/20070322/n248909424.shtml

not in ani mood to do anithg...
i decided to continue watching 《小妇人》
a set of dvd that my gan ma had lent us to watch...
n so far i m the oni one watching...
not that i m free...
but juz to relax...

but it's one long series...
there's 3 boxes... one box 4 dvds n 6 episodes in one dvd...
ok that makes almost a hundred episodes?
i noe super long...

but the show is realli angst n touching...
the four girls... starting frm the oldest...惠德、美德、贤德、仁德
a family w 4 daughters... n no son...

n the father was someone that i felt like hitting!!!
seriously! n in the show, even the characters kept asking how such a father had such daughters...
the father decided to go to loansharks to loan $ 4 the eldest sisters to study in expensive sch...
hoping that she could get into medical uni so can earn lots of $ or marry into a family w lots of $...
but the 2nd sis who is also in high sch... father din even gave her $ for sch fees...
a tutor 贤宇 is hired to gave 惠德 eng tuition...
but b4 he reached their hse, he ended up seeing 美德 almost beaten up by gangsters...
he stopped them n realized that she's his tutee's sister...

美德 was then beaten up by her father for being rude to a woman her father brought home n wanted them all to be polite to her in front of their mother...
then loansharks beat up 美德 when her father could not pay back n he had disappeared...
贤宇 comforted her both times...

but at the same time...
he saw 惠德 out alone at nite silently sobbing under a tree.... as she broke under the pressure of her father's expectations n the rest of her sisters' unhappiness w her...
well... her father bought her a nice dress while her other sis had exercise clothes to wear...
n 美德 had to work in the morning to buy clothes for the other 2 sis...
not oni that... she got to eat all the x thgs while her other sis ate cheap n little food...

soon a love triangle started...
or rather both sisters had fallen in love w the tutor but the tutor love 惠德...
n they did not noe abt the other sister...
n then father found out abt the tutor n 惠德 n was angry w her...

then loanshark wanted 美德 to work for them as a gangster to work off her father's debts since she was gd at fighting...
n it ended up that one of the hse that she trashed was 贤宇's mother's hse...then some bullies in sch n 美德 fought n she was expelled...
w all the thgs... she decided to run away frm home...

n few yrs passed...
in the meantime... 贤宇 went to army...
n 惠德 after reading her sis's letter to her b4 leaving realized that her sis lov 贤宇 n decided to be w 贤宇's best friend 俊赫 who was ignorant of their relationship...
she also failed her med uni exam... n decided to be a nutrionist instead...
w a part time job, n endless study...美德 entered the law uni ...
it was veri touching abt the way she fought against all odds...

n a lot of thgs happened w 惠德 n 俊赫 being a couple... but 惠德 actually love oni 贤宇...
a realli messy relationship...

but the touching part i like is the part where 美德 finally returned home...
b4 that, she called home once...
n her father actually apologised to her for treatring her unfairly all the yrs...
n her mother running across the streets screaming her name when someone said she saw her daughter...
then the 2 younger sisters sitting before the steps waiting for her...
n the eldest sister sitting n staring at her thgs...
most imptly, she herself was standing in an alley , looking at her family with tears flowing but not daring to let them see her or return home...

a lot of thgs happened... after she return... her father turned 180 when he heard that she is studying law... much better than her eldest sis...
n then turned again when he realized that her eldest daughter is w a rich man... 俊赫
feel like killing him...
n he was still borrowing $ frm loansharks...
n was captured n then 美德 tried to save him n was captured as well...
at teh same time 俊赫 realized his best friend 贤宇 n 惠德 love each other n was shocked...
as 俊赫 n 惠德 was abt to get married though his mother dun approved of 惠德... n her father...
since she noe that she dun love her son...
n then there were scenes where his mother threw $ in her face... realli hitting her w the $ n asking her to leave her son...

finally 俊赫 saved 美德 n her father w $...
n he n 惠德 was then getting married...
美德 helped 贤宇 n 惠德 to elope...
but then she got into a fight n was arrested for murder...when she did not kill the man...

here's where i stopped...
n it was one big angst show... but touching to say the least....
will recommand ppl who likes to have a gd cry to watch but it's draggy...