little thgs...

it's always the little thgs that get to me...
little by little... everithg builds up inside n i feel like exploding all of a sudden...

for mi,
it's tis sat... i guess...
i was so tempted to start running as i was walking towards bishan home...
somehow i nid to let everithg out...
but i stopped myself when i realized that they are 2 other voluteerers some way behind...
i settled for wandering ard after the voluteering...
walked ard bishan junctn n lib...
saw my cousin there n talked for a bit... b4...gg home...
took a long way... haiz... used to walking ard or staying in the lib to tink whenever i feel low...

guess sat was almost the final straw...
almost lost my temper...
woke up at ard 4.30am to finish up my termpaper...
i delayed it frm wed to sat... mental block after i realized that my research is almost out of pt...
so woke up early to finish up b4 voluteering...
when i checked my sms...
realized that the others decided to go out wout asking if i can make it...
haiz.. mayb it's my own depression talking but i felt left out...
it used to be like that last time...
i hate to feel that i m taken for granted as if i m always there...
no one asked 4 my opinion n stuff...
mayb i m juz a spare tyre?

but i noe they did not mean that...
i realli do...
after all my friends now re diff frm those i noe last time...
n it's juz unintentional...
but somehow... i dunno... n combine w the stress i felt at rushing my term paper...
i guess i juz felt so down...

then when reached the home...
she told mi tt she changed her mind because other ppl asked her to...
somehow... i felt a bit upset...
i mean it's the same everitime...
i asked her to do tis or tt... she will juz say no... or juz ignored mi...
but when other ppl said the same thg... then she changed her mind...
it's like my words dun matter no matter wad i say...
n if i say more... i will be ignored...
i dunno... mayb it's juz mi...
so now... everitime she said sth... i will juz kept quiet... after all, i dun matter...
mayb it's juz stress... realli... dun tink she's intentional aniway...
juz my emotion goes down again...

aniway...
i juz wandered ard...
then come back home...
use the com...
search for my fav fan fics...
read some of my fav...
mayb it's juz my habit...
but sometime... i read some of the touching stories mayb shed a few tears...
then i will feel so much better...
mayb i m an antisocial... i m not gd w interacting w others...
haiz mayb shd reconsider my career choices... mayb i shd not b a teacher after all...

today...
i spent lots of my time sleeping...
trying to catch up for sat...
feel so tired... n have headache... mayb it's because of my 2 collison w basketballs at high speed yesterday... then my mouth also veri painful... that day bbq... i accidentally poke the satay stick at my lips... hurt a lot
then juz now... have argument w my parents n my little sis... over tuition again...
have tis argument everi wk... so tired...
now i use my com again... ranting down here...
hoping that i will feel better after getting all tis off...

haiz... bad days as usual...
but still want to thxs to aion n mango for being concerned...
i m ok lah... juz feel the nid to rant...
mayb i m not gd at talking out my prob... but i tink i have no prob w typing it out... :p
aniway... u all also take care ok?

hopefully it will be better tmr... 4 tmr is a brand new day...