也许...

也许最近好累

也许是时候换新的环境、换新的工作。

不知怎么的，最近总觉得忧郁症又回来了。

好多好多的事情做不完。最近常有想哭的感觉。半夜起来，那种心没理由的快跳。

我以为那已经是过了很久的事情了。

也许因为有了新的依靠，自己变得软弱了。也许因为自己并不是像以前一样坚强了。

我忽然好害怕，好怕，好怕。 好想见他，告诉他，但是又不想让他看到自己那样的表情。

我只好选择逃避。新年没给他家的人拜年。不知那是不是很不好。但是他没开口，我也不知要怎样说。

总觉得好着急 好害怕。不知跟谁说。

最近工作也很多。虽然也告了一个段落了，但是还是很怕，很着急。但是我什么也做不下去。满脑子的问题。满脑子的烦恼。我不知道该怎么做。不知道要跟谁说。不知道要做什么。

也许最近他们想栽培我，给很多东西做。但是我想离开。

我想消失，想离开指责格地方。离开这个家，离开这个工作。离开这个世界。但我舍不得。

我离不开他。也许这就是爱。难过时，我想着他。开心时，我好想他。但是我没回他的简讯。我不知道为什么，就不想回他的简讯。

也许我是个矛盾的人吧。。。

好久不见

不知怎么的在隔了这么多年后，我决定再次回到这里。

有人告诉我，我把感情都藏在心里。那么就写在这里吧。

有人看也罢，不想看的人请自动离开吧。谢谢，不送了。 do not pass go, do not collect $200 ;p

colour quiz

Your Existing Situation

"Needs extra attention and must feel she is very important to those around her. If she doesn't think she is being spoiled enough, she may shut herself off from others."

Your Stress Sources

"Always trying to make a good impression on others, but doubtful she is succeeding. Feels she has the right to everything she hopes and dreams of and becomes annoyed and helpless when things don't go her way. Is troubled by the very thought of failure which leaves her feeling miserable. Always sees herself as the victim as if everyone treats her poorly and she never is given her fair share. Feels her failures are no fault of her own, but due to the shortcomings of others."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Current situation makes her feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things."

"Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence."

Your Desired Objective

Is easily exhausted from too much argument and harsh circumstances. Sensitive and looks for sympathy and understanding from others.

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Looking for friendly, pleasant relationships with others, who will further develop her intellect. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

41 Personality Test

Your personality type: "Good-natured Realist"

Quiet, kind and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other’s feelings. Interested in serving others.

Careers that could fit you include:

Interior decorators, designers, nurses, administrators, managers, secretaries, child care/early childhood development, social work, counselors, paralegals, clergy, office managers, shopkeepers, bookkeepers, homemakers, gardeners, clerical supervisors, curators, family practice physicians, health service workers, librarians, medical technologists, typists.

I'm a O10-C25-E31-A50-N60 Big Five!!

personality test

I'm a O16-C21-E37-A38-N90 Big Five!!

runing away

2013...

i think i should start saving...

for a place of my own...
or it will be better if i try to take a course overseas?
or find the other half n move away?

it's quite hard so i can only start saving...
no more spending unneccessary
no more buying mac breakfast
no more nice jap food...

i had enoough of trying to keep quiet over incorrect thgs...

why do u need to be so stubborn?
everything it's money to you?
everythg is right to u?
then dun ask for my opinion!!!!
no need to ask me for anithg!

if i move away... mayb i can finally be free
free of everythg....
mayb it's time for me to find a place to move away?
maybe it's time for me to go somewhere where no one can see or find me...

it's time....
but first it's money...
i will need to save enough...
n hopefully it will be enough...

i shd have learnt to go out at dawn n return at night...
then hopefully conflicts will be less...
interactn will be less...

maybe it's time to run away...
to hide... to lose my memories...
to spint away... to sleep forever???